I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
