I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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