I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
