I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
