I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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