I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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