i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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