i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
