I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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