this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
