I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
