Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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