I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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