paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
