Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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