Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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