I think im going to throw up on grandma
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
