Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
