I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
