people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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