i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
