He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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