please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
