I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
