Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize