you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
