So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
