if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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