I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
