Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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