worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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