This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
