just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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