im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
