please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
