Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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