All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need help removing her.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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