the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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