she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
