My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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