Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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