they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
