i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
