Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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