I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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