can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize