Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
