I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
