I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
