you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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