We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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