that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
