im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
