sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
