You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
