my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
