I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
