how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
