Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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