Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
