Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
