4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His hands were made for my vagina.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
