The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
