It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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